7 Craziest Kava Bars of Port Vila

Ramblings of the Kava Tourist!

One of our first clients is known throughout the Pacific as the “Kava Tourist”. When on tour, he lives and breathes kava from 9am in the morning through to the wee hours. We were fortunate to meet him many years ago at a kava bar (or “nakamal” as they are known in Port Vila) and maintained a good friendship. We thought we’d post some of his musings on the local kava bars in Port Vila. 

Sonos Nakamal (Kava Bar) – Pango

Opening Notes – Smell of the salt water quickly overcome with the smell of the BO of local surfers and reprobates. Could well be a scene from Sea of Darkness, but the pleasant food and mild kava make it appear a lighter environment than it is. Skylarking and carry-on at a premium compared to other nakamals. With the mix of clientele comes a large variety of conversations!

Random Elluk Rd Nakamal (Kava Bars)

Opening Notes – An alluring transcendental Autumn poem of gentian, coriander with a cool Scandinavian forest breeze giving a fruity moss. Truth beknown it is simply Diablo pulling up a chair beside you cutting a deal. A 4th shell & you realise the hallucinations are probably real life – was that really a thrashing mannequin being dragged into the toilet block …then you remember you had the chicken

Roundhaus Nakamal Freshwota (Kava Bar)

The initial scent of the kava may remind one of the atmosphere at a Juggalo Festival. The experience of the kava itself is described as intense, starting from the first shell where it feels as though a metaphorical shovel is being pried from one’s face. The second shell appears to twist time in reverse, while the third shell offers a glimpse into an eerie scenario akin to a scene in Richard Ramirez’s car boot, giving it an intense and intriguing quality. The overall experience is accompanied by a great drop of kava and a welcoming staff, enhancing the visit with a combination of potency and warmth.

Trump Nakamal (Kava Bar)

Upon your arrival, kindly secure your drone in the designated locker to ensure its safekeeping. If you find yourself yearning for a pagan ritual but lacking the blood of your adversaries, look no further than this sanctuary where a single shell of kava promises to transport you to a realm of mystique and wonder. Do not underestimate the power of this elixir; your own ritualistic verses may pale in comparison to the artistry found in this intoxicating concoction, reminiscent of the eloquence of a Shakespearean reverie.

Immerse your senses in the sweet and jam-like flavors of the kava, skillfully masking the potency that hits with the force of a semi-trailer. The tannins leave a dry sensation in your mouth, causing an instinctual puckering that engages all four of your cheeks simultaneously. Yet, as the experience unfolds, the kava reveals a surprising smoothness and balance akin to the aftermath of a well-disciplined spanking, leaving a lingering sense of both intensity and harmony on your palate.

Putin Nakamal (Kava Bar)

We’re calling it Putin Nakamal as it’s beside Trump Nakamal 

Opening Notes : Wafts of a warm medieval village bone broth interrupted with a heavy fragrance of casual violence & machismo, this is where hope curls up to die alone. Brutish & senile for purchase only by those whom display both. Come for the Kava – stay for the wheelchair

Mataroroa Nakamal Freshwater (Kava Bars)

Opening notes are broken. This nakamal delivers unwanted trust & a fear of open head wounds. Good if you don’t breathe & a fun ride to meet the Cerberus on its home ground. 

Be sure to try the Dirty Bishop when you visit…it’s like a ‘hot – don’t touch’ sign on a servery window, you know you will.

Vale Vale Beach Nakamal, Pango Rd (Kava Bars)

Tightly focused, with a beam of linzer torte, bitter cherry, plum sauce and fig fruit laced with licorice snap, singed iron and roasted bay leaf. The long finish has lots of roasted fig, tar and spice notes for extra bass, but the acidity is there & deeply embedded